You only have control over three things in your life – the thoughts you think, the images you visualize, and the actions you take.” Jack Canfield
A few weeks ago, I was being coached in an area of my life where I have felt really stuck. The session reflected what I was thinking and to be honest it kinda sucked. I felt resistant and was giving my coach all the reasons that things could not be changed in this area of my life. It felt draining to even look at this problem. Each step felt like I was walking through energetic mud. It was unpleasant, but it was what I needed. I had been stuck in this area for quite a while, all because I believed the control was outside of myself.
When we believe the control is outside of ourselves, we give away our power and stop looking for possibility. Instead, we are stuck in the mud of our thoughts where our brains, waiting for an external force to fix our problems. This feeds burnout and the feeling of helplessness in our careers and life.
Below are examples of thoughts:
"I am never going to be considered to be a charge nurse because the manager doesn't like me."
"I have applied for 3 positions and did not get interviews, I am never going to leave this job."
"Nurses eat their young so I will get bullied at work."
"They don't appreciate me because I am an older nurse."
"I am introverted so I need to work a job where I don't interact with people."
While these thoughts seem like they are neutral, they are what keeps us from getting what we want or making changes in our career.
Four Steps to Become Unstuck
1. Accept that everything you do in life is a choice.
Everything we do is a choice and we are the product of our choices. You don't have to go to work. You don't have to pay your bills. You don't have to be married. You don't have to have children. You don't have to take care of your children. You don't have to be a nurse. You don't even to breathe. That being said, there are consequences of those choices. For example, if we don't breathe, we die.
This means that being stuck is a result of our choices. While this might not seem like a good thing, it actually is. Choice allows us the freedom to change our minds if we are not currently getting us the results we want.
2. Like the reason why you do or don't do things.
Whatever you do in your life, like your why and find it fulfilling. It can be as simple as "I like working dayshift so I can be home with my family at night." or "I like not going out the night before my shift so I sleep well before my shift."
On a sheet of paper write down the things you have to do and then write down your why. Do you like your why? Does it seem fulfilling? If not, you might want to explore why you are choosing to do that thing and consider if it's something you want to change.
3. Stop comparing yourself to others.
If you are comparing yourself to others, stop it. Right now.
When we compare, we despair. As I shared in a previous blog post, comparison is poison. Nothing slows us down more in getting the life we want than looking at others and seeing the ways we are inadequate. Check out my blog post to learn how to stop comparing and choose inspiration.
4. Focus on 2% better each day.
I am totally guilty of focusing on the future of what I want and get stuck on what steps I need to take to move forward on those goals. It can be really hard finding a solution when you think you are stuck. So instead of trying to go for perfect, start with being 2% better each day.
Over the past four months, I have lost 16 pounds, not by drastic changes to my diet or excruciating workouts. I have focused on being 2% better each day. If you are not sure where to start with this, how I have started is "What easy thing can I do today to help get me to be the person I want to be?" This question may seem simple, but when you are stuck or just starting out, 2% is the best place to start.
P.S. Getting unstuck is just one of the ways I help clients at the Burnout Ward. It's never too late to get out of burnout and into the career and life you want. Stop the cycle, click here today to sign up for a free 60-minute session.
This is what Shannon had to say:
I was going through a tough time in a transition of not only jobs but also the nursing field. I was scared, upset and tired -because work had been a priority in my life and I was moving positions to try and be better at placing family above work-life. ...She listened, but also was able to help me realize things about myself that either I didn't want to accept or didn't know. She was supportive even through my tears. At the end of it, my goal was to be able to help find balance with work and my family and I know that I am definitely on the right track thanks to Mary!
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