From Self-Judgment to Self-Empowerment

Since I became a nurse entrepreneur, one of the biggest challenges I have faced is my own self-judgments. While I have definitely had self-judgment throughout most of my life, building your own business really takes it to a new level. Because unlike my nursing job, there is no manager there to validate me when the voices in my brain start whispering thoughts like "I am a failure" or that "I am making a total fool out myself." From the outside people like to say I am brave and confident, but my journey has its fair share of days where I have to work very hard at reassuring my brain that it's going to be okay. 

Whether you call it self-judgment, the voices in your brain, inner mean girl, etc. Many of us have thoughts and beliefs about ourselves that are for a lack of better words toxic. Here are a few of the self-judgments I have had in different parts of my life.

"You always say the wrong thing at the wrong time."

"You are the worst nurse ever."

"You should give up nursing."

"Nobody really likes you, they are being nice."

"No one likes or cares about your writing."

"You were stupid for still wanting that guy after he cheated on you."

"You are not pretty enough to date a person like that."

"You are going to fail and everyone is going to make fun of you."

"You are too fat for someone to want to coach with you."

"You are not good at selling yourself."

If you look at each of my thoughts, none of these thoughts are really rational or helpful. It is more like a clique of mean little middle schoolers going Lord of the Flies on my emotional state. If I choose to believe these thoughts, it will result in me not putting myself out there and spending time scrolling facebook instead of going after my goals.

I have learned a secret for how to conquer and take back control of my brain. Or what I like to call going from self-judgment to self-empowerment.

Have a rational conversation with your self-judgments.

Whenever my brain tries to tell me I am not good enough, I am doing something wrong, etc. I always approach it with a rational conversation. This is usually done by asking questions. So for instance, if I think "I am doing it wrong." I will ask myself "How can I do this better then?" By doing this I trigger my problem-solving brain to start looking for a solution.

Refused to go down the rabbit hole with your self-judgments.

One of my patterns is that when I start thinking one bad thought, it turns into a domino effect. I will literally end of thinking of something that happened ten years ago as evidence of how it means there is something wrong with me. Whenever that starts, I pause myself, say enough, and take a few deep breaths. This allows me to return to the present and focused on what I want to do now.

Do not focus on the worst-case scenario.

In the past, I lived my life by preparing for the worst-case scenario so I could be "safe". What I found is that it is a waste of time and has stopped me from doing things that I wanted to do. About two years ago, I began shifting my focus to what is the best that that could happen and work towards that. 

Do it anyway. 

Anytime my brain tells me not to do something that I really want to do, I do it anyway and go through the discomfort that goes along with it. Today, I shared self-judgments that are vulnerable for me and that I make a conscious effort to work through every day. My brain was totally trying to make me stop but I did it anyway in the hope that it will help other people who have self-judgments similar to mine.

Hire a coach. 

Coaching is really effective at helping people overcome self-judgments and self-sabotage. Coaching has helped me get out of my way to take up running and to build my business. Because when you are in the thick of it, it can be really hard to see what self-judgment and self-sabotage are creating in your life. You are never too old and it's never too late to stop letting self-judgments control your life. If you are ready to see how coaching can help you, sign up for a free consultation.