Recently, a client of mine had a major breakthrough in leaving her job. She had been struggling with guilt about leaving and believed if she quit, she would be abandoning her patients and coworkers to struggle. She decided that she needed to speak with her boss and was surprised to hear that her boss supported her.
This blew my client's mind.
She couldn't believe the guilt was nothing but drama that was created her brain. All she needed to do was to stop allowing the discomfort of feeling guilt stop her from taking action.
So what is the big deal with guilt? Everyone likes to say the feel guilty about everything from thinking of eating a piece of chocolate cake to feeling guilty about leaving a job. It's like we are in a constant state of guilt about our choices and desires.
While it's easy to say external things like our coworkers, patients, or bosses make us feel guilty. Guilt is an emotion that started with a thought in your brain about a situation or circumstance. In simple terms, no one can make you feel guilty unless you believe it.
According to Psychology Today, there are five types of guilt:
Type # 1 - Guilt for something you did.
Type # 2 - Guilt for something you didn't do, but want to.
Type # 3 - Guilt for something you think you did.
Type # 4 - Guilt that you didn't do enough to help someone.
Type # 5 - Guilt that you're doing better than someone else.
I have seen all types in the clients I have coached when it comes to their careers and the choices they have made. The main problem with guilt is that it is an emotion that people tend to hold onto and use to beat themselves up. It consumes them and stops them from going after the dreams and ambitions they have. So instead of going after the things they want, they instead stay stuck and let the guilt keep them prisoner.
It does not have to be this way.
If you look at the five types of guilt, four of them are based completely on the story, thoughts, or belief you have and not in fact. It is complete mind drama. Here are three tips to let go of the guilt.
1. Do not take responsibility for other's feelings, actions, or behaviors.
As nurses, we like to take care of other people and take on the fix them" mentality. However, we cannot control other people and the "fix them" mentality creates a lot of unnecessary suffering. An exercise I use on my clients is to view people as emotional adults. Meaning that they can handle whatever choices they make and the consequences of their choices. One of my clients applied this to staff in her unit and was amazed at how much better she felt and how much easier the relationships were with other staff.
2. Do not avoid feeling guilty.
Feelings drive our actions or lack of action. Guilt is concerned to be a negative emotion so when they start feeling guilt in their body, they do anything to avoid it. Whether that is talking to a sympathetic friend, eating their emotions, or dwelling on the situation they feel guilty about. Feeling guilty cannot hurt you, it may feel uncomfortable but by feeling it, you can become curious about it and even get over it. You can decide that you don't want to live in guilt.
3. Take action, even if you feel guilty.
Guilt feels uncomfortable for most of my clients. They wait to take action on leaving their job or talking to their boss until they feel better and have less guilt. While that sounds like a good idea, usually what happens is they become more stuck. By learning to keep moving forward and not letting your feelings stop you, the emotion becomes less of a prison and more like an extra bag that you are carrying.
Guilt doesn't have to hold you back, but if it is stopping you from having the nursing career you want, sign up for a consultation.
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