“The most terrifying thing is to accept oneself completely.” - C.G. Jung
Welcome to the next section of the resiliency model: Self-Love. If you haven't heard the first section on Self-Preservation, click here.
Self-love is the act of loving yourself and is sometimes referred to as self-esteem or self-compassion.
It seems straight forward right and something that would be natural to do, but approximately 85% of the population report low self-esteem. There is even science showing a correlation between nursing burnout and low self-esteem.
For many of my clients and myself, self-love is not something that comes naturally. Throughout my nursing career, the feelings I have held towards myself include anger, resentment, inadequacy, disappointment, and fear. I have learned without a doubt that the worst bully I have ever experienced has been myself.
I cannot point to the exact moment in my life where I learned to be this mean to myself or began beating myself up emotionally. It was not until the past two years that I have truly understood how self-sabotaging this part of my brain could be.
While I do consider this to be a way that our brains protect us so we act in a way that allows us to fit in with our social networks, the reality is that it frequently prevents us from having the life and experiences we desire.
So how do you overcome the inner mean person who is trying to self-sabotage you?
My biggest piece of advice is to pay attention to how you talk to yourself and understand how your current style of talking to yourself is hurting you. One of my favorite examples comes from a children's book called Matilda.
If you aren't familiar with the story, Matilda is this kid who grew up in an environment where her parents would tell Matilda she was not good enough and blame her for the things that happened. She also had a principle called Ms. Trunchbull who cruelly punished the children in the book by putting them in the "chokey." The only two adults who were nice to her were a librarian and a teacher named Ms. Honey. They saw Matilda's potential and supported her.
When you think about these characters, think about being around someone who is constantly tearing you down or punishing you. Now think about having someone around that is being kind to you and believes in you? Which one do you think is going to help you the most?
I used to think it was being mean to myself, but what I have found that if I want to have better results in my life, learning to be nice to myself is the best way to make it happen. Whenever I see myself begin to talk to myself in a way that hurts me, I stop myself, because that is not the way that I want to talk to myself anymore.
If you are struggling with low self-esteem, self-sabotage in your nursing career, I am here to help. Sign up for a consult today.
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