"Sometimes the hardest thing to do is to know and believe that you have got to put on your oxygen mask first."
Self-care is a buzz word that is all over the place as the solution to burnout. Some of the lines that I hear or have used myself frequently include:
"You have got to take care of yourself the way you take care of your patients."
"Eat right, sleep more, stress less, exercise more, take time off."
"Create a self-care plan."
I used to consider self-care to be anything I do to take care of myself but over the past several months of coaching have realized that maybe not all burnout can be fixed with a prescription of self-care.
When I think of self-care, I think about doing things to improve health or wellbeing like reading books, spending time with friends, eating healthy foods, and traveling. However, when you are someone that has put yourself in a place of self-sacrifice, adding more things into a cup with holes in the bottom, will not work.
What I have found with many of my clients is the place to start is not self-care but with self-preservation.
Self-preservation is different from self-care because it speaks to preventing harm or death. I compare self-care to going to your primary care doctor and self-preservation to going to urgent care or emergency room.
For many of clients, they have been in a space of giving and sacrificing that comes with caregiver syndrome and makes it hard for them to switch to a self-care mindset. So instead we begin by addressing self-preservation.
I used to consider self-care to be anything I do to take care of myself but over the past several months of coaching have realized that maybe not all burnout can be fixed with a prescription of self-care.
When I think of self-care, I think about doing things to improve health or wellbeing like reading books, spending time with friends, eating healthy foods, and traveling. However, when you are someone that has put yourself in a place of self-sacrifice, adding more things into a cup with holes in the bottom, will not work.
What I have found with many of my clients is the place to start is not self-care but with self-preservation.
Self-preservation is different from self-care because it speaks to preventing harm or death. I compare self-care to going to your primary care doctor and self-preservation to going to urgent care or emergency room.
For many of clients, they have been in a space of giving and sacrificing that comes with caregiver syndrome and makes it hard for them to switch to a self-care mindset. So instead we begin by addressing self-preservation.
Here are some of the examples of self-preservation that I have used personally and helped my clients use:
- Limiting the amount of overtime they work in a week.
- Taking a mental health day if they are struggling emotionally with a loss.
- Turning off their work cellphones on nights and weekends.
- Setting clear boundaries about availability to patients and coworkers.
- Leaving a job because of concerns for mental and physical health.
- Finding a job closer to their home so they will not have an hour and a half commute.
- Making sure they get their lunch break regularly.
- Not allowing money to be the reason they stay in a job they dislike.
- Letting go of an identity that is stopping them from going after their dream job.
Self-preservation is doing things to protect yourself from harm or death. Things, like taking care of your mental health and making sure you get lunch/go pee, are NOT self-care, they are vital to prevent yourself from being harmed.
They are human needs that get placed on the back burner.
How to switch to a mindset of self-preservation with your career:
1) Create boundaries between yourself and work.
One of my favorite books is The Art of Essentialism by Greg McKeown. In the book he shared a story where on the day his daughter was born, he said yes to going to work for a meeting that was not necessary. He sacrificed something essential because he thought it was something he was supposed to do. He applied the philosophy of only doing what is essential and saying no to other things and this allowed him to be more effective in his life and work.
For one of my clients, she had created a career where she was constantly available to her patients. Even when she wasn't at work, her patients could call her at any time and she would be available to them. She believed this was the best way to serve her clients, but what was actually happening was she wasn't being present in her life for her children or family. She had just started a new position and wanted to have a boundary between herself and work, so she decided to not bring her work cellphone home with her or leave it off. This simple step created more time with her family and allowed her to be more present with her children, it created more space in her life at home.
For one of my clients, she had created a career where she was constantly available to her patients. Even when she wasn't at work, her patients could call her at any time and she would be available to them. She believed this was the best way to serve her clients, but what was actually happening was she wasn't being present in her life for her children or family. She had just started a new position and wanted to have a boundary between herself and work, so she decided to not bring her work cellphone home with her or leave it off. This simple step created more time with her family and allowed her to be more present with her children, it created more space in her life at home.
2) Do not tie your job to your survival or safety.
I see this among nurses where they believe they cannot leave their job because of the money, insurance, pensions, or not sure what else. Because their job is viewed so much as a part of their survival, they will "suck it up" and stay even though they are burnout and dream about becoming going into another area of nursing. However, their brains have been conditioned to believe a nursing job is safe, dependable, and pays well.
My biggest recommendation is to stop viewing your job this way. Layoffs happen and people get let go. A great reminder of viewing a job as a "safety net" is Enron. People lost their jobs and billions in pensions. By tying your survival to external things, you become dependent on them instead of learning to trust in yourself. What if your job went away tomorrow? For most people, they would solve the problem by finding another job or figuring out what you want to do.
3) Allow yourself to be more than a nurse or your specialty.
Nursing is an identity career, especially the more specialized you get. I have held onto the pride of being an oncology nurse for many years. I love the patients and I love helping them, but what if this identity is stopping me from going after the thing I really want? One of the most liberating things is to own that you can be more than a nurse and your specialty. You are a human with hobbies, passions, and dreams which make you just as valuable as being a nurse.
One of my clients came to me because she did not know what is next for her nursing career after another position fell through. She felt like she needed to stay in her job because she had been involved with the development of the program. During our first session together, when we discussed what she really wanted and she shared this beautiful vision that combined her passions and skills to serve others. The thing that was holding her back was an identity of being in a specialty for the past several years and the belief that is where she should grow. Now, she is beginning her journey to make her dream a reality.
4) Become the CEO of your life by making decisions.
One area I struggled with for years was making decisions. It would take me months or years to make a decision and even though I made it, I would look back and question if I made the right one. I believe a lot of nurses struggle with this and the main reason is due to the NCLEX. I have never heard of another test that creates so much self-doubt. Even though the test is over, I believe many of us continue to struggle with the worry that we are going to make the wrong decision and fail. Or you will get too cocky and hurt someone. There is a big difference between deciding the best intervention for a post-op patient and deciding if you want to quit your job and go back to school to be a nurse practitioner. Instead of worrying about if it's the right decision. Instead of wasting mental energy thinking about it, sit down and give yourself a time limit to figure it out. Once you make a decision, start moving forward in the belief that you are making the right decision.
Thank you for reading. I get that learning to put yourself first can be really hard. I have been there and I can help you. If you are struggling and need help, set up a consult at the Burnout Ward.
I see this among nurses where they believe they cannot leave their job because of the money, insurance, pensions, or not sure what else. Because their job is viewed so much as a part of their survival, they will "suck it up" and stay even though they are burnout and dream about becoming going into another area of nursing. However, their brains have been conditioned to believe a nursing job is safe, dependable, and pays well.
My biggest recommendation is to stop viewing your job this way. Layoffs happen and people get let go. A great reminder of viewing a job as a "safety net" is Enron. People lost their jobs and billions in pensions. By tying your survival to external things, you become dependent on them instead of learning to trust in yourself. What if your job went away tomorrow? For most people, they would solve the problem by finding another job or figuring out what you want to do.
3) Allow yourself to be more than a nurse or your specialty.
Nursing is an identity career, especially the more specialized you get. I have held onto the pride of being an oncology nurse for many years. I love the patients and I love helping them, but what if this identity is stopping me from going after the thing I really want? One of the most liberating things is to own that you can be more than a nurse and your specialty. You are a human with hobbies, passions, and dreams which make you just as valuable as being a nurse.
One of my clients came to me because she did not know what is next for her nursing career after another position fell through. She felt like she needed to stay in her job because she had been involved with the development of the program. During our first session together, when we discussed what she really wanted and she shared this beautiful vision that combined her passions and skills to serve others. The thing that was holding her back was an identity of being in a specialty for the past several years and the belief that is where she should grow. Now, she is beginning her journey to make her dream a reality.
4) Become the CEO of your life by making decisions.
One area I struggled with for years was making decisions. It would take me months or years to make a decision and even though I made it, I would look back and question if I made the right one. I believe a lot of nurses struggle with this and the main reason is due to the NCLEX. I have never heard of another test that creates so much self-doubt. Even though the test is over, I believe many of us continue to struggle with the worry that we are going to make the wrong decision and fail. Or you will get too cocky and hurt someone. There is a big difference between deciding the best intervention for a post-op patient and deciding if you want to quit your job and go back to school to be a nurse practitioner. Instead of worrying about if it's the right decision. Instead of wasting mental energy thinking about it, sit down and give yourself a time limit to figure it out. Once you make a decision, start moving forward in the belief that you are making the right decision.
Thank you for reading. I get that learning to put yourself first can be really hard. I have been there and I can help you. If you are struggling and need help, set up a consult at the Burnout Ward.
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