Although feeling left out is something we hear a lot about kids, adults also experience being left out. In a study performed by Cigna, 47% of adults reported feeling left out. As nurses, most of us work in an environment that frequently involves working together with other people on a team. Feeling left out can lead to depression, anxiety, and even in studies been linked to an early death.
So what do you do when you feel left out by your coworkers? These are my four go-to mind-sets to get over the feeling about being left out.
Do Not Take It Personally.
As much as we think pointing the finger at someone is going to make us feel better, it fuels victimhood and does not solve any problems. Instead, we become protective and view the other person as being unsafe. When our primitive brains view someone as unsafe, it triggers the sympathetic nervous system. So suddenly your heart is racing, your stomach is in knots, and your mind is spinning, looking for how to escape. What this looks like is instead of interacting with a coworker, our brain and our body begin responding to the person like they are a lion.
If you find yourself becoming defensive, before letting yourself go into fight or flight mode, take a step back, breathe, and look at the situation objectively. Like you are Spock from Star Trek with no emotional attachment to the situation. Ask yourself the following questions.
1. Would everyone in the situation agree with my thoughts, story, and/or experience of the situation?
2. Is there anything that I could be missing from the situation?
3. How am I showing up in this situation because of what I am thinking?
4. How do I want to show up?
Decide Other People's Thoughts Cannot Hurt Us & Are None Of Our Business.
What other people think and believe about us is none of our business. Period. No matter what they think, it has nothing to do with you and has 100% to do with them. Trying to control what other people think does not actually help us be accepted for who we are. It usually just leads to us feeling inadequate and trying to people please.
Ask Yourself How You Can Be More Engaging.
When I feel insecure, I know how I show up. I become really awkward, have difficulty making eye contact, and trying to avoid the other person like the plague. It is no wonder I get left out in those situations, I literally reek of insecurity and fear.
When I start feeling that way, I stop the insecurity train from going full speed by noticing how I am showing up in that situation. I decide that it is my job to be the engaging person and then ask myself "How can I be more engaging?"
Some easy whats to be engaging with coworkers include:
-Asking them if they need help.
-Answering a call light for them.
-Asking if they want me to grab them coffee from the coffee cart.
-Smile and make eye contact with them.
View Your Coworkers As People.
These are three simple beliefs that you can have about other people which will help you have more compassion for them.
-Every human has their own unique needs, goals, wants, and stories.
-Every human is 100% worth of unconditional love.
-Every human is equal and has wisdom to give.
It doesn't matter if a person is the CEO of the company or a new graduate nurse starting their first day on the unit, these truths are true for every human. When I think these thoughts, I find myself being kinder and my body relaxing.
What else have you done which has helped you stop feeling left out? Share below in the comments.
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