Regrets and Beating Yourself Up

A question that I was asked recently is if I could go back to give my past self advice, would would I tell myself to do differently?

Before I answer this, I want to admit that I have lived a good portion of my life with regret. 

My brain in particular is very good of reminding me of those moments right before I go to sleep. Some of my brain's favorite regret encores include: 

• That time in 2009 where I called a hiring manager 13 times to see if I got the job after I hadn't heard back from her just to get a phone call from the HR person saying I wasn't selected.

• That time where I called a code on a patient that actually just passed out and she woke up just as the code team arrived.

• That time where I missed a queue that a physician was getting angry with me and resulted in them complaining to my superior. 

I would be laying there in bed with my mind replaying each scene, pointing out what I did wrong, feeling a cocktail of guilt, shame, humiliation, and anxiety over things I did 5+ years ago. I would call myself an idiot, a spaz, a bad nurse nurse, and a whole lot worse. I cannot even count the number of nights and hours of sleep lost to this mental self-flagellation practice.

And I know I am not alone.

I know it is easy to look at our past and let the regrets bubble over.

BUT...

What if we decided to view our past self not through a lens of regret and self-judgement, but through the compassion and love?

What if we decided to stop that narrative by telling ourselves something else?

Here are of some of my favorite questions and things to say to myself to stop beating myself up with my past:

"Yes, you did that thing and you are still worthy of love." 

"You did the best you had with the information you had at that time."

"I love and forgive myself."

So what would is my answer to if I could go back to give my past self advice, would would I tell myself to do differently?

Not a darn thing.

Because I am who I am today because of each painful and difficult moment I have been through, not in spite of it. 

And if I can use my past pain to help another burnout nurse feel less alone and not have to spend 3+ years trying to figure it out. It is worth it. 

I believe in you and all your possibilities.

Mary B. 

P.S. Are you looking for a little more inspiration in your weeks to help with burnout? Follow me at @burnoutward on Instagram.