It is amazing how many of my clients have said friendships is an area they struggle with because of their burnout.
They say they don't have enough time or are just too exhausted.
But deep down they wish they had more time to spend with their people.
If this is you, you are not alone.
Burnout shrinks your world and it is all about self-preservation. Your brain falls back on the evolutionary programming aka "fight or flight" which was designed to keep you alive.
This programming is great for famine and avoiding getting eaten by a lion in your sleep.
BUT it isn't really designed to deal with the modern life and being burnout at work.
So it's really no surprise that our relationships with our friends go to the back burner or off the stove completely.
Some red flags burnout has creeped into your friendships:
- You constantly cancel plans with your friends because you are too drained from work.
- Your conversations are one-sided and mostly fixated on your work.
- You feel completely disconnected from your friends and cannot remember the last time that you got together.
- Your friends have stopped inviting you since they know you will probably cancel or say no.
If any of these sound familiar, here are some tips to deal with it:
1. Make realistic plans (for you) with friends.
I used to try to make plans to go out after long shifts which usually resulted in my cancelling plans.
Part of the issue was I was creating plans like I wasn't a burnout nurse who was exhausted after work.
What shifted this was when I was honest with myself and my friends about what I could really handle doing.
So if I was getting off a long stretch, our friend time might be just them coming over, us ordering a pizza, and watching a movie.
Or it might be a phone date when I was out on a walk unwinding after work.
Being realistic to what was going on helped shift the narrative from friendships have to be hard to enjoying the time I did have with my friends.
2. Decide how much time with friends feels good for you.
Do you believe you need to have a specific amount of time with your friends?
Doing something out of obligation instead of because you want to is not being a good friend.
The amount of time we spend with friends is completely neutral and you get to decide what feel good for you.
So whether it is a phone call once a week and then catching up in person once a month, it's okay IF that is what feels good for you.
3. Have compassion on yourself for doing the best you can.
It's easy to start beating yourself up for not making enough time for your friends and missing events because you are burnout at work.
Because being burnout doesn't make you a bad friend or a bad person.
It makes you a human trying to do their best with what they got.
And know that you deserve all the compassion that you give your friends.
I believe in you and your possibilities.
Mary B.
P.S.
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